a nice balance of yoga&coffee, cure to finals week

Q: What does one do/go to when they're attempting to survive one of the most stressful weeks of their teenage life?
A: See below, and read up on legit instructions on howta stay alive.





OMG STRESS STRESS STRESS.
I'm currently on this 8 shots of strong java per two hour period, and so far it's workin out good. Until time comes for night night.. wait, am I on crack?, everyone knows sleep isn't even an option during finals week. I just wanna take something and throw it against the wall as forceful as imaginable, to enforce my control seeing as I have none right none. School's officially kicking my ass, and I've come to the conclusion that my original aspiration to tell colleges that rejection isn't an option of theirs, signing up for all these impressive AP and college courses to create an oh so irresistible transcript is going downhill and wasn't sucha good idea in the first place. I AM SEVENTEEN, remind me why in the helll I need to write 17 different papers in one week? My lord, let me live my life and do not intimidate my dreams.

PS: so much for my since-I-was-a-little-girl fantasy of running my ass outta Snoho the second my diploma is in my hands and Wazzu'in it up for four years straight, "starting my life off the right way" ...hello Community?



Entities I am revolving every breath I take and every thought I have for the next 70.0 hours of my life:

1. 2nd qtr AP presentation - Madame Bovary journal.
2. Spanish final. And the 389201 "prepping is good practice" worksheets, damn class.
3. US History final. And tests I'm making up.
4. Trig final.
5. Chem final.
6. Chem lab/write-up.

From here on out, I'm dropping any and all social life whatsoever and putting my life on pause until this week's over. AFTER I survive passing my written and work, that is. There's never any breaks anymore, I suck at life.

ew at wednesday night stress

don't you worry, there my honey

we might not have any money

but we've got our love to pay the bills

maybe I think you're cute and funny,

maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you,

if you know what I mean

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance let's get rich and build our house on a mountain making everybody look like ants from way up there, you and I, you and I, you and I

well you might be a bit confused and you might be a little bit bruised

but baby how we spoon like no one else

so I will help you read those books

if you will soothe my worried looks

and we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Daddy always said to dream big, so...

...And I'm fairly convinced by now I could probably settle for marriage and 11 kids with him. Any objections?

the weekly advice column of Court

How To: survive a week from hell

__________________

Consider my guidance. I'ma 17yrold teenage girl attempting survival ina messed-up world and just as everyone, I'm takin it day by day and hour by hour. I'm in love with life, but that doesn't mean I have those days I want nothing more than to screw everything - school, work, relationships with anyone halfway important in my life, my daily shitloads of homework, responsibilites, priorities - and post a notice of officially being a failure and giving up on the bedroom door of my life. Of asking the world to swallow me up, just like that... who needs to consider suicide when it takes so much time and effort? I'm human and I lead a comparably human life. Sometimes though it's not just limited to a bad day, but a bad week. A streak of annoying drama, uncalled-for encounters, mortifying moments - you name it, the works. But then again they say these are the times that toughen us up a lil', define our character and everything.

On the brightside, these are the type of weeks we look back at a few months down the road and laugh at. Not because of our stupidity, especially seeing as 89% of my life is outta my control, but because of our reactions to them. Once we find ourselves in the classic I'm-living-this-entire-week-on-the-verge-of-stepping-off-the-next-cliff-I-come-across state of mind, we have no escape. The mood is temporarily permanent and we're given no way out. To the times in our lives when we wonder why and how we're even surviving, pushin through the week and comin out alive... Cheers? With that said, we all know how brilliant some of my advice can be, due to the fact I'm just the one who speaks what everyone else is thinking. So read on, nod your head in agreement when necessary, and take notes:

#1. Keep that head held high no matter what gets in the way, what falls from the sky, what runs in front of your path. Imitate poise, and thou shalt have poise, and thus fool half the world into what kinda week you're really having.

#2. Permanently attach a cup of caffeine in your hand, be it a morning starbucks quickie or latenight energy fix to keep your not-so-sweet dreams back on track. Coming from a certified coffee addict, trust me on this one, it's guarenteed to work wonders on a temporary depressing outlook on life.

#3. Temporarily disown everyone in your life, and I'm serious about this one. People only add to, if not create, the problems/drama/bad mood. Take a break from the world, it'll understand. We gotta breathe sometime without it breathing down our necks, I mean right?

#4. Enough said? Acknowledge and adore. If this alone doesn't do the trick, at least putta smile on your face, I would suggest seeking a counseling group, for depression reasons. Possibly a shrink, seeing as people at this time in our lives can be a dangerous suggestion...

#5. Stop pretending to starve yourself and be normal. You're stressed, you're moody and you're all-around grrr. What now? Pack on those calories and indulge in everything your normal everyday "diet" says no no to. Mmm, I smell peanut butter chocolate chip butterscotch dough in the kitchen? It is now time to throw rules and the idea of the scale in your bathroom out the window for the time being, and eat up. And get to get to, because we start worrying about the damage we've done in 3.1 seconds...

#6. In follow up to #5 above, view it as motivation to drag your lovely little ass outta its comfort zone [aka off the couch surrounded with Godiva and weekold Cheesecake Factory leftovers from the decent-that-soon-turned-disaster blind date with that "eye candy" your co-worker hooked you up with without your consent] aaannd onto the treadmill! Whip out some hXc let's-drown-ourselves-in-annoying-screamo-and-Andrew-WK tunes and hit uppa gym quickie or early morning jog. Laziness only adds to the bad mood, and hey hey, we gotta strut those too-tight pair of I-only-have-these-because-I'ma-ex-rower spandex somewhere anyway, right? Exercise<3

PS, if all else fails in life, you'll still havva likedamnnnthatshot body...

#7. Make a soundtrack of your week, and oh, I'm serious. Throw together some classic and relaxing Bob Dylan, - or addictive oldschool - the Offspring, Nickelback, Tim McGraw, Nirvana, Jamie Foxx, and the best of the best, the love of my life, my man Jack Johnson. Hello automatic one hour of nonstop anti-depressants? Can't resist the affect the right music can have on us, ahh.

#8. Go out forra midnight stroll, or if that's seasonally inappropriate, settle forra latenight drive. Screw the GPS for one night and get lost. Give yourself permission to waste gas, it is cheaper than a therapist after all. Drive east drive west and end up in godknowswhere, and soak up self-time. One rule: limit this one to a sober night, there'sa good chance DUIs will only add to the stress/unlucky encounters in your life...

#9. Speaking of alcohol... psh, you know the drill. Make damn well certain you don't hafta be at work by noon or earlier the next morning, and you're covered. Spike your hot chocolate if you insist ona comfortable night by the fire at home, or better yet, go out and splurge your paycheck ona rainbow of drinks.. and a recipe book, a modern-day betty crocker for the alcohol lover's soul. Invite over half your phone's contact list and bartend the evenin away. Legally, this is NOT comin outta the mouth ova 17yrold's but you know, who are you to judge? I'm sure you're in full support of the idea.

#10. Yeah, definitely out of ideas. I would throw out the idea to go out on the town with some friends in the most daring public-inappropriate outfit available in the stores and let loose for the night, but thinking about it, coming home witha hangover from hell and 7 different guys with 891 different problems/attachment issues in tow, isn't always the solution to a bad week so... scratch that one.

___________________________

...And now you're wondering where in the world I find the time to actually think up all these solutions, and try em, testdrive em out before I okay them outside of strictly my access. I don't. But it is the upside of getting stuck with several bad weeks on my record, I'll leave it at that. I'm living proof that even the most [seemingly] happy-go-lucky people in this world get delivered with those days, and weeks, from hell. And according to many, I haven't exactly mastered the art of faking a smile yet, so I can't let it destroy my social reputation. I hafta limit my bad moods to only a few days atta time and at least attempt to finda solution, or else I'd have no friends anymore.

And there you have it, advice/suggestions from the pointless and oh so creative thoughts of Court. I am planning on publishing a book one day, if you're at all wondering. I mean, Oprah always lectures on making sure you havva resort to fall back on if your career/marriage/childhood dreams fail...

c'est la vie

oh, my mary jane shoes...

And when you're not a little boy anymore, when the world has taught you how to be a man... Then you'll still make mistakes. But your family, and all those good friends you've made along the way, will help you. And even though you'll think the world has gone out of it's way to teach you all the tough lessons, you'll realize that it's the same world that's given you your family and those friends, you'll come to believe that no matter what happens, somehow the world will protect you, too. "Boy Meets World." Now I get it. Boy Meets World

lalalaaalla la

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental - like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both.

Maybe both is happening at the same time."

Forrest Gump

Betrayal of what birth promised us.

I am someone, with something, going somewhere. I'm convinced honesty gets you wherever you are meant to be in life. I have a worthy future somewhere down the pathway that I'm slowly treading upon, and I may not see it now, but I think that's my fault. I'm always waiting for this big epiphany to happen, just bam! and just like that I'll know what I want, how to chase after it, who I'm supposed to be, have all the answers. You know, life's not like that though. Instead we were created to stumble and fall and get dirty, and pick ourselves up, drenched in dust and sin and guilt and mistakes and wash ourselves off. We were made to travel down the wrong pathways and catch ourselves and turn back around, making our footsteps, our own path, our own life, and hoping a light will be shone upon our path to guide us home. Our strength derives only from trials made to test how strong we really can be when it comes down to it. It's like we never know the definition of our character until something happens in life that puts it to the test. People don't walk in our lives for no reason, shit doesn't happen with no purpose behind it. It's all one big cycle of tests and failures and happiness, the good the bad, the ugly days and the beautiful. Slipping and then catching yourself when you slip. Just gotta keep that head held high and aim higher each and every day.

I've been slipping lately and I forgot howta breathe. I'm struggling down this dark path, down on my knees and unable to achieve anything halfway wonderful. All I'm seeking anymore is for life to look up, the sun to shine, hope to reign. I'm giving everything half the effort I used to, and I get it, it's simply a phase and everyone goes through it. But this tunnel has no end, no escape and I scare myself more and more everyday. All I need is light to awaken my senses, something wonderful and hopeful and refreshing and good.

I stumbled across this today and oddly enough, it triggered sucha strong effect on me:


"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Sea Tac Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspision love actually is all around."

why is it easier said than done? 010209.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours."
Ayn Rand


It seems like life has been throwing me more trials than ever before. God's looking down at me goin, "Alright Court, this is my way of making you stronger and into who I'm creating you to become, and I just want you to accept it, get over it and toughen up." Thing is, my life has always been one big trial. Any step I take seems to be quick sand, my balance and control slipping every time I think I've stepped on solid concrete. The second I discover happiness it flashes before my eyes and disappears, making me wonder if it was really present in the first place, or if it was simply my imagination at work again. Life is based upon perspective: I don't know if I should look at my life and whine and bitch about all the downfalls, all the flaws in it, my constant lonliness and neverending trials, or feel grateful I'm thrown so many tests from the man upstairs, take it as learning experience after learning experience and take advantage of the opportunity to grow from them. Perhaps there's only one reason behind it and one reason only: to make me into the person I am supposed to become, help me grow and just to permit me to take all the life lessons I'm experiencing right now into my future, down the road I'm traveling.

It's not fair, but then again, life never really is fair. It'sa challenge we never asked for, given to us and giving us the choice to accept it as endless opportunity or one big struggle we will never overcome, but attempt to for years and years. I believe each and every experience thrown at us in life is simply a test, demanding us to make a choice, and our character is defined on how we survive it in the end, what we do and how we accept it. It's hard for me to sit down and write this, because I've experienced so much shit lately, and I haven't really sat down and reflected upon my life for months and months, and let me tell you... it's hard. It's hard as hell, because I'm to the point in life where I honestly don't know where to turn anymore. I was travelling down the road and I've come to the intersection, facing different street signs, unsure of which pathway to follow and lead myself down. I'ma lost soul, seeking satisfaction just like every other victim of life. I'm craving comfort and joy and assurance and just all around happiness, but so is everyone else. I feel run down by life anymore, defeated by the trials thrown at me, failing each test over and over and over again.

And I don't know why. I'm lacking the answers for everything in my life right now. Why does time move so fast? Why do we attempt to fight fate? Why do we fear change? Why are we so stubborn, and why is it so hard to just give it all over to Him and let Him control our lives? Instead we have to fight against the plans pre-determined for our us and our lives, pleading for hope the entire journey. We're given the option to lay it all on Him when we're specifically promised opportunity and satisfaction, a bright future, a good and wholesome life. Yet we reject the offer, determined to take advantage of our independence and prove ourselves by controlling our own lives, pretending we have all the answers and know what we're doing. Hell, I don't what my plans are for later tonight, much less do I lay out my future in fronta myself. No questions asked, I can admit to not having hardly any answers. I make mistakes, endlessly, but I'm assured these mistakes are helping me get to the place I'm going, shape me into the person I'm meant to be. I'm sick and tired of everything going on in my life at the moment, but perhaps that's my fault and I can do something about it. Accept the fact I will never have control of my life due to destiny, and simply roll with life, float among the tides and let em wash me up on any beach I belong at.

John Steinbeck once wrote, "It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live for our death brings no pleasure on the world." Despite the fact I don't know where my life is leading, where I'm going and who I am to become, there's one thing I do know, and that is that life is composed of two moments: birth and death. Most don't stop and realize it, but we are all somewhere in the middle right now. We have all been born, and we have assurance we're going to die. Whether it's in 57 years or tomorrow, death is one thing we are sure of. Now life is the challenge. We've committed to playing the game, and we can be delivered 'Game Over' at any given moment. It's not always our fault that we fall down, get hurt, scrape our knee, make mistakes. In fact, the majority of the time it's not. The guilt belongs to people who walk into our lives, and affect us - for the better or for the worse. Once they have affected us in some way, it is our choice to keep them around or take action and kick em out.

...That's what I've been struggling with for the past few days, weeks, months. August 14, 2008. I met someone who changed my life, and I'm currently still debating whether for the better or worse. The facts: I have never had so deep of chemistry with one human being before in my life. Our personalities meshed, and the passion between was disgustingly perfect, unexplainable to say the least. Naively, we were convinced we belonged together. And that was that, no ifs buts or ands, we had stumbled across what each of our hearts had been desperately seeking all our lives. It was a sense of fulfillment. One downfall: realistically, we could and never would work. Waiting two years for eachother was a sacrifice easier said than done. Life just wasn't on our side, and that was that. This little insignificant story helps define my story, the story of my life. It was one of the most painful struggles I've had to experience so far, and I still fight it every day of my life, because at that point of my life I was convinced I would never find someone comparable. I searched and I found, yet could not have. Life said no to me, and that's not the answer I wanted. The concept of fate is one I am constantly struggling with especially considering the fact I got stuck with overly rebellious genes. I'ma born rule-breaker and I'm possibly THE most stubborn person known to mankind. I don't do acceptance very easily. I fight and fight and fight, and the fact my heart overrules my head 99.1% of the time gets me in trouble. I don't do rules, reality or routine, and this is possibly why I have faced so many of the trials I have so far, I don't lead them on myself, but I unintentionally encourage them.

Nonetheless, there was one motivation behind this vent and it's simply because I don't understand life. I never have, I never will and you know, perhaps I'm not supposed to. Perhaps it's all in perspective and if we choose to see the glass half full or empty is up to us. Perhaps we don't need the answers, we should just try to overcome every trial and test thrown at us, despite how much pain and emotion they may bring to us, and move on and just live. Without trying to figure our lives out, ever, attempting to decode every message and analyze every moment and action and just live. Say screw it all and view each and every experience - good or bad - as a life lesson and new opportunity to grow and define our character.

I'm gonna end with the thought and truth that time changes everything. I've been reminded this over and over again in my short little 17yrold life, and I cannot agree with anything more. It really does. As much as we try to deny it and claim different, it's not possible. That crush on the schoolboy in which we revolve all our effort and attention on right now, is temporary, just like everything in life. As crazy and infatuated we may be about someone living 89201mi away from us, it's temporary. It may be the toughest thing in the world to simply forget about someone and move on, accept reality and give up, but it may be even more painful if we stay with it and give it our all and fight till the end... unless it's worth it. And that's what life's about it when it all comes down to it: the daily challenge and neverending struggle, there's our reason and rhyme and purpose. Without the game, we wouldn't put forth effort and further, wouldn't give a damn about fighting for what we want. It would come to us and it wouldn't be worthwhile because the only thing that gives something value is the fight and desire behind it.

I've recently stumbled across something in life that I've been looking for. Like always, there's that one factor that basically determines whether I can have it and call my mine or not. And it's up to me if I wanna use my head and be smart about the situation and accept reality, or overrule it all with my heart and choose to not give up on something I already know will be worthwhile. Regardless, I'm adopting a new perspective on life and from here on out I'm letting my life play out on its own, guiding me down the path with my name on it, and shaping me into the person I was originally meant to be. Perhaps we're supposed to take it day by day, and take advantage of every moment for the moment in itself and not the bigger picture. We are not supposed to analzyze everything that happens in our lives, yet appreciate the good things and fuck the bad. Am I going to run my life or let my life run me? To live or to be lived, that one's up to us.