let's play I wish we weren't growing up, and make it reality

what makes me happy today list

"Your happiness should always be a little out of reach. That's what keeps us going, the pursuit of happiness."

1. digging your nose in a fluffy coat of golden retriever when you're down.
2. the sunshine after a season of rain.
3. donnie darko playing in the middle of a thursday afternoon.
4. blogging/procrastinating .
5. loud laughter ringing in your eye.
taking a big sigh of relief realizing friday is less than 24 hours away.
6. turning the music up as loud as it goes when no one's home.
7. someone telling you that you made their day.
8. being inspired beyond words.
9. natural curls that take 35% of the time to work in the morning than straightening.
10. change, for the better.

oldies and sunshine

what makes me happy today list

"Be happy in the moment. That’s enough.”

1. artist cafés.
2. Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" replayed over and over again. And again, and again.
3. winter sunshine peeking its head out of the clouds and giving you a fresh, warm glow.
4. the new pepsi commercial that makes me wanna get up and dance.
5. breaking the caffeine rule and sipping coffee at 4:30 in the afternoon.
6. finding really, really incredible refreshing blogs that I just can't keep my eyes off of.
7. sunrises, even if most mornings I'm still asleep or showering when she rises.
8. homemade hot tamale applesauce and cinnamon.
9. anticipation for a new day tomorrow, and for spring to be here.
10. unexpectedly finding pennies, or dollar bills in pockets of jeans you haven't worn in years.

She said jump, I said I'm pro-life.

"I'm dedicating my life to the greater cause of ending world suffering. To push aside race and religion and help pursue the dream of so many before me that have fallen victim to corruption or the hands of those who oppose them. I see no other greater purpose in life for me than this. I hope to pursue and inspire through photography or anyway I can."

I hope today's episode of "telling a story with pictures in place of words" did your day some justice, as good/bad as it turned out to be. Sometimes I have nothing to say, sometimes the world speaks loud enough on its own and I just don't want to raise my voice to interrupt a silence beautiful enough standing on its own.

Current Sweet Obsessions

I just can't get enough of bottomless cups of coffee the second I roll outta bed. Mini wheats, only the ones with a shit ton of frosting on 'em (stop laughing) (seriously, stop it, I blame Costco and their good deals entirely for my newly-established love/problem). 90210, it's gotten so bad I'm counting down the days till new episodes come back on via mental calendar... and phone. Apple, yogurt, cashew and honey parfaits. Breakfast, lunch or dinner, I just can't help myself. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Well I can't imagine what three does... Victoria Beckham, need I say more? She's as beautiful as her I-would-be-all-over-that-like-butter-on-a-pancake-if-I-had-the-chance very nice and good-looking hubby, and don't even get me started on her denim line [in which I can afford an inch of fabric of]. Really, VB, if you're at all interested in being best friends in another life, just shout out to your girl. I'm all ears and have a unsigned contract permitting the paparazzi/you to move to Seattle if you have to ready and waiting to print on Microsoft Word. Call me! Vintage weddings. Or flickr'ing pictures of them and drooling uncontrollably, at least. It's a good thing I don't have a boyfriend at this point in my life or he'd be in trouble and be hinted at a 15k rock and hundred-year-old lace veils on a daily basis. I know I always say I'd rather be a bridesmaid any day, but c'mon... I think that was before I laid eyes on Vera Wang's mod collection. Adding sugar-free vanilla and cinnamon to my coffee. Cinnamon, period. Dr. Oz says it's healthy for our hearts, so basically I'm saving my life on the daily. See? Addictions really are healthy in the long run. Lily Allen. And -like music. Pandora knows my middle name at work even, what the hell is happening to me? Googling to-die-for New-York-Times-acclaimed recipes and rushing to my oven and pretending like I know how to cook in the first place. Baking, cookies in particular. I repeat: I don't know whether to blame it on something in the season or if this is a normal process of growing up, but I feel out of my element. It's incredible, I love it. Dreaming about sunshine. More than usual, I mean. Which leads to detailed springbreak '10 planning and etc. Craigslist shopping, and dragging my father out to buy his princess a pretty little VW consider what's a good deal and what's not for ME to buy on my OWN so I don't get SCAMMED by some creepy sales guy.

I also like experimenting with runway-model it-looks-like-a-tornado-just-hit-it,-but-it's-cute! hair, testdriving '03 Passats, thrift shopping, photography in/with/around mirrors, listening to Jessie James, intellectual conversations over a cup of joe, politics (and screaming at and asking Obama if he's stupid? in my head), sitting down and really thinking about where I'm going in life, and sugar. I'm craving sugar like no other lately and I don't know what's up, I'm not extra emotional/imbalanced so who knows.


I'm really into this getting-up-outta-my-chair and just going these days, too. I've done the lowkey phase, and I've done the go-out-every-weekend-after-work-and-drink-until-I-have-assured-an-allday-hangover-for-the-next-day phase, and quite frankly, I'm over both. I'm just interested in life right now. In exploring, in adventures, in satisfying my curiosity, in waking up to a fresh breath of air every day, in swinging on swings and walking on the beach barefoot. I'm finally happy. Lonely, but undeniably happy. I think this is what life is ultimately about, simplicity and appreciating the little things, because that's what defines my life at the end of the day anyway. Surprises, piggyback rides, unexpected letters in the mail, exchanging smiles with strangers, daisies mistaken for flowers, getting dirt in my fingernails, getting messy, and breaking the rules, just a little, enough to say you did it. "It is about absurdity."

Make your mark today, take a deeper breath than yesterday and hold that smile for just a second longer. Pray a little stronger, search a little deeper, love a little more. Just do it. You know you wanna...

vintage shadows and lace

{photo taken from It's A Mermaid}

Lessons From the Boobtube

What I've learned from TV over the past few years

"Dreams die hard and you hold them in your hand long after they have turned to dust."
{Dennis Quaid | Dragonheart}

"Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that, y'know, turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other."
{Brooke Davis | One Tree Hill}

"Happiness comes in many forms -- in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be."
{Lucas Scott | One Tree Hill}

"There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of, because when you put a face on it you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it. Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure."
{Whitey | One Tree Hill}

"A trick is something whores do for money. Or Coke."
{Gob Bluth | Arrested Development}

"Let me let you in on a secret. Zip codes? They're meaningless."
{Newman | Seinfield

"It's the rule of life that everything you have always wanted comes the very second you stop looking."
{Sex & the City}

"Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it."
{Boy Meets World}

"Short of a miracle, there is no way she could have revived."
"Why does God get all the credit whenever something good happens?!"
{Dr. House | House}

"Everything is alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end."
{Boy Meets World}

"'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! I mean, we may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!"
{Joey Tribbiani | Friends}

And in this world all you have is your face to decide whether you succeed..."
{8th & Ocean}

"Don't miss out on what's happening right now, just because you're waiting for something better to come along."
{Full House}

"In this city I've learned two things: like everybody and trust no one."
{The Hills}

“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out; They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines... or you can live your life crossing them.”
{Grey's Anatomy}

"We are all searching for someone. that special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. someone who can offer companionship or assistance or security. and sometimes if we search very hard, we can find someone who provides us with all three. yes, we are all searching for someone. and if we can't find them, we can only pray they find us."
{Desperate Housewives}

"To love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving... that is romance."
{Dawson's Creek}

And my personal favorite that makes me laugh and never gets old:
"The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole."
{George Carlin}

Recycle & reuse: don’t waste the one life you’ve got.

Let’s face it: saving the planet is the hottest new thing these days. Green is the new black. (Unless you’re going to a Dior fashion show in NYC’s Meat-Packing District.) (Or a funeral.) (Plus, it doesn’t flatter my heart as well as black does.)

Anyhoodle.

In all seriousness (yes it’sa new word in my vocabulary), I’ve been in this deep, reflective mood lately (weird, I KNOW, tell me about it) and what inspired it? Nothing other than looking through pictures of the past three years of my life (complimented with tons of “omg, look at me!”s and “Omg, do you remember…”s and “Why in the hell did I post that on face book? My hair looks like Katrina’s sister just swept through it”s.) If The Courtney Show were a published chapter book out on the market, you’d most likely find them under The Best/Hardest/Most Emotional Years of my life. Don’t get me wrong, being a teenager has its advantages. You don’t have to worry about remembering to pick up anti-wrinkle cream on your to-do list while you’re running errands, for starters. Besides the couple [hundred] (give or take a few) boyfriends and boy friends you go through (speaking of recycle...), you don’t have any real commitment to anyone. That might’ve come out wrong, because when I find myself in a relationship, whether we’ve been together for three weeks or three months or three years, I don’t go out and kiss all the other fish in the sea. Ever. Commitment’s a big word in my vocabulary, and I’m beyond the world’s best girlfriend loyal and dedicated to my man, no exceptions. But there is no commitment up on the marriage level in high school, or at least not in my life.

(Seriously, don’t even get me started on those been-together-since-elementary-school-and-WILL-NOT-EXPERIMENT-WITH-OTHER-PEOPLE couples.)
(Don’t mind the capslock, I’m probably just secretly jealous.)

If love gets messy, you can run away. If doubt or confusion or hot tempers or “I want out”s sneak up on you, you can walk out. Just like that. I kinda like to think of it as a 24/7 personal-use escape route that’s not ever discussed but resorted to when worse comes to worse. When you’re married, you can’t really do that. You’re stuck for life (or so the contract says), and it’s not weddings are exactly free these days. If things get rough, it’s expected of you to actually work and work, and work and WORK at it to get through it and come out with a smile on (or at least civil behavior towards your spouse.)

Anyway. Getting to the point (or trying to)...

High school’s really not that tough. So why are hormones at their peak when it’s supposed to be the best years of our lives? It’s not fair if you ask me.

It’s so easy to waste your life, especially without realizing it. I mean a busy couple of months hit you and it’s school school school or work work work, and the play aspect of life kind of gets thrown on the back shelf where it gets dusty and forgotten about. You slowly start to lose sight of what life’s really about, and forget to make time for the good stuff in your day. Laughs are slowly died out, your favorite TV shows and quality time with your honey is pushed into first gear and becomes second priority, when, really, that’s what makes our lives so worthwhile.

(Even if it’s the simple stuff. It matters, too.)

It’s become one of my biggest fears to fall in the trap of wasting my life, of making it all work and no play, mostly because I AM a workaholic by nature. (Shopoholic once had a better ring to it, but that got pricey and apparently my parents and debt aren’t too good of friends.) I dedicate myself to something - enroll my ass in school, peptalk myself that I WILL get better grades than last year or “WSU will NOT accept you if you suck so much, Court” - and I run with it. Which, according to some people/studies, is a great trait to have. But when you forget to play and actually let loose and enjoy life, what’s great about that?

Don’t waste your life. Lucky for me, I learned this early on and at least see where I don’t wanna end up and that I DON’T wanna get stuck at the office opposed to out on the town with girlfriends/snuggled up on the couch with my favorite boy in the world, the dog The Boyfriend. Value your resources. Live a little. Laugh, get out, stop working so hard and live. Go green, just do it. You know you wanna.

dear life, please give me a break.

Why does it take a downslide, falling down and rolling around in the dirt for awhile and then picking ourselves back up, dusting off the scars and brushing away the black and blue, to realize that the world is so beautiful? Next time you find yourself with some freetime in the middle of autumn, don’t waste it. Go take an afternoon stroll and forget the iPod or the kids or the dog or the boyfriend at home, and just walk. Look. Explore, live, appreciate. Soak it up. Life finds a way to whoosh past us before our eyes and we never really know where it goes until we stop and take a breath. School, work, chores, change the oil spank the brats “do my laundry!” whip up dinner wash the floor pay the bills don’t be late close the door feed the pups pick up milk fill the prescription wish your niece happy birthday call your boss runrunrunrunrun WHEN’S IT GONNA STOP? When are we permitted a break from life without earning ourselves a self-assumed guilt trip just because we’re not on the go? If not now, when? Get away, run away, find your escape route and put it to good use. Because when you finally let go and stop letting your agenda run your life, you begin to run your own show; it’ll start bowing down to you and not vice versa. Get your priorities straight. Get your hustle on. Get up and take action when it’s come, and let loose when it’s time. Stop caring, not about the world but about every little detail in your day. It will not matter tomorrow, nor the day after or the day after that.

Stop. Breathe. Laugh.


Sometimes this feeling comes over me like there’s not enough time for everything I want to do, the timer’s gonna run straight to the ground and life’s gonna disappear while I’m still busy thinking about who I wanna be or what I wanna be doing with it, and I just get really anxious and scared and start pacing. Who said life was supposed to be a race, stay breathless and timed to the finish line?

And then sometimes I look around and get overwhelmed by all the beauty I see. I cannot fathom how the world is made up of this much beautiful, of this much wonderful and happiness and opportunity and carelessness. It’s so damn beautiful, and my feet pick me up and start booking it through this meadow of deep aggressive green and yellow and white daisies, a blue sky running on forever accenting the horizon, and I just can’t stop. We‘re gonna have our bad days and we‘re gonna be faced with trials. The tears are gonna run and, you know, the world will not always be on our side and lend us a hand to grab and squeeze, “but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but don't worry, you will someday.” It’s worth it, I promise you this. Next time the stars are out and you have a minute to spare, step outside in the freezing winter cold and just free your heart for a moment in time. Don’t lose sight of who you are and why you’re here because I make that mistake on average of about 7x a week, and, when we reserve a mere five minutes to ourselves each and every day, it’s the simplest thing to do. But when we get to that point where we realize we’ve lost ourselves and don’t know how to clear the road in finding our way back to where we started, where are we supposed to run to? When we don’t know who we are anymore and we find ourselves facing a dark tunnel that continues for miles, what else matters? Stare up at the black screen and focus the bigger picture into perspective. Don’t let the world swallow you up whole without one hell of a battle. Don’t let the arguments lead to destruction, don’t let society tell you who you are, don’t feed the fire, and don’t let that spark go out; do not lose sight and never stop loving. It’s worth it, it’s always worth it if you continue the fight and live your heart out until the final breath.