Recycle & reuse: don’t waste the one life you’ve got.

Let’s face it: saving the planet is the hottest new thing these days. Green is the new black. (Unless you’re going to a Dior fashion show in NYC’s Meat-Packing District.) (Or a funeral.) (Plus, it doesn’t flatter my heart as well as black does.)

Anyhoodle.

In all seriousness (yes it’sa new word in my vocabulary), I’ve been in this deep, reflective mood lately (weird, I KNOW, tell me about it) and what inspired it? Nothing other than looking through pictures of the past three years of my life (complimented with tons of “omg, look at me!”s and “Omg, do you remember…”s and “Why in the hell did I post that on face book? My hair looks like Katrina’s sister just swept through it”s.) If The Courtney Show were a published chapter book out on the market, you’d most likely find them under The Best/Hardest/Most Emotional Years of my life. Don’t get me wrong, being a teenager has its advantages. You don’t have to worry about remembering to pick up anti-wrinkle cream on your to-do list while you’re running errands, for starters. Besides the couple [hundred] (give or take a few) boyfriends and boy friends you go through (speaking of recycle...), you don’t have any real commitment to anyone. That might’ve come out wrong, because when I find myself in a relationship, whether we’ve been together for three weeks or three months or three years, I don’t go out and kiss all the other fish in the sea. Ever. Commitment’s a big word in my vocabulary, and I’m beyond the world’s best girlfriend loyal and dedicated to my man, no exceptions. But there is no commitment up on the marriage level in high school, or at least not in my life.

(Seriously, don’t even get me started on those been-together-since-elementary-school-and-WILL-NOT-EXPERIMENT-WITH-OTHER-PEOPLE couples.)
(Don’t mind the capslock, I’m probably just secretly jealous.)

If love gets messy, you can run away. If doubt or confusion or hot tempers or “I want out”s sneak up on you, you can walk out. Just like that. I kinda like to think of it as a 24/7 personal-use escape route that’s not ever discussed but resorted to when worse comes to worse. When you’re married, you can’t really do that. You’re stuck for life (or so the contract says), and it’s not weddings are exactly free these days. If things get rough, it’s expected of you to actually work and work, and work and WORK at it to get through it and come out with a smile on (or at least civil behavior towards your spouse.)

Anyway. Getting to the point (or trying to)...

High school’s really not that tough. So why are hormones at their peak when it’s supposed to be the best years of our lives? It’s not fair if you ask me.

It’s so easy to waste your life, especially without realizing it. I mean a busy couple of months hit you and it’s school school school or work work work, and the play aspect of life kind of gets thrown on the back shelf where it gets dusty and forgotten about. You slowly start to lose sight of what life’s really about, and forget to make time for the good stuff in your day. Laughs are slowly died out, your favorite TV shows and quality time with your honey is pushed into first gear and becomes second priority, when, really, that’s what makes our lives so worthwhile.

(Even if it’s the simple stuff. It matters, too.)

It’s become one of my biggest fears to fall in the trap of wasting my life, of making it all work and no play, mostly because I AM a workaholic by nature. (Shopoholic once had a better ring to it, but that got pricey and apparently my parents and debt aren’t too good of friends.) I dedicate myself to something - enroll my ass in school, peptalk myself that I WILL get better grades than last year or “WSU will NOT accept you if you suck so much, Court” - and I run with it. Which, according to some people/studies, is a great trait to have. But when you forget to play and actually let loose and enjoy life, what’s great about that?

Don’t waste your life. Lucky for me, I learned this early on and at least see where I don’t wanna end up and that I DON’T wanna get stuck at the office opposed to out on the town with girlfriends/snuggled up on the couch with my favorite boy in the world, the dog The Boyfriend. Value your resources. Live a little. Laugh, get out, stop working so hard and live. Go green, just do it. You know you wanna.

dear life, please give me a break.

Why does it take a downslide, falling down and rolling around in the dirt for awhile and then picking ourselves back up, dusting off the scars and brushing away the black and blue, to realize that the world is so beautiful? Next time you find yourself with some freetime in the middle of autumn, don’t waste it. Go take an afternoon stroll and forget the iPod or the kids or the dog or the boyfriend at home, and just walk. Look. Explore, live, appreciate. Soak it up. Life finds a way to whoosh past us before our eyes and we never really know where it goes until we stop and take a breath. School, work, chores, change the oil spank the brats “do my laundry!” whip up dinner wash the floor pay the bills don’t be late close the door feed the pups pick up milk fill the prescription wish your niece happy birthday call your boss runrunrunrunrun WHEN’S IT GONNA STOP? When are we permitted a break from life without earning ourselves a self-assumed guilt trip just because we’re not on the go? If not now, when? Get away, run away, find your escape route and put it to good use. Because when you finally let go and stop letting your agenda run your life, you begin to run your own show; it’ll start bowing down to you and not vice versa. Get your priorities straight. Get your hustle on. Get up and take action when it’s come, and let loose when it’s time. Stop caring, not about the world but about every little detail in your day. It will not matter tomorrow, nor the day after or the day after that.

Stop. Breathe. Laugh.


Sometimes this feeling comes over me like there’s not enough time for everything I want to do, the timer’s gonna run straight to the ground and life’s gonna disappear while I’m still busy thinking about who I wanna be or what I wanna be doing with it, and I just get really anxious and scared and start pacing. Who said life was supposed to be a race, stay breathless and timed to the finish line?

And then sometimes I look around and get overwhelmed by all the beauty I see. I cannot fathom how the world is made up of this much beautiful, of this much wonderful and happiness and opportunity and carelessness. It’s so damn beautiful, and my feet pick me up and start booking it through this meadow of deep aggressive green and yellow and white daisies, a blue sky running on forever accenting the horizon, and I just can’t stop. We‘re gonna have our bad days and we‘re gonna be faced with trials. The tears are gonna run and, you know, the world will not always be on our side and lend us a hand to grab and squeeze, “but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but don't worry, you will someday.” It’s worth it, I promise you this. Next time the stars are out and you have a minute to spare, step outside in the freezing winter cold and just free your heart for a moment in time. Don’t lose sight of who you are and why you’re here because I make that mistake on average of about 7x a week, and, when we reserve a mere five minutes to ourselves each and every day, it’s the simplest thing to do. But when we get to that point where we realize we’ve lost ourselves and don’t know how to clear the road in finding our way back to where we started, where are we supposed to run to? When we don’t know who we are anymore and we find ourselves facing a dark tunnel that continues for miles, what else matters? Stare up at the black screen and focus the bigger picture into perspective. Don’t let the world swallow you up whole without one hell of a battle. Don’t let the arguments lead to destruction, don’t let society tell you who you are, don’t feed the fire, and don’t let that spark go out; do not lose sight and never stop loving. It’s worth it, it’s always worth it if you continue the fight and live your heart out until the final breath.