the weekly advice column of Court

How To: survive a week from hell

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Consider my guidance. I'ma 17yrold teenage girl attempting survival ina messed-up world and just as everyone, I'm takin it day by day and hour by hour. I'm in love with life, but that doesn't mean I have those days I want nothing more than to screw everything - school, work, relationships with anyone halfway important in my life, my daily shitloads of homework, responsibilites, priorities - and post a notice of officially being a failure and giving up on the bedroom door of my life. Of asking the world to swallow me up, just like that... who needs to consider suicide when it takes so much time and effort? I'm human and I lead a comparably human life. Sometimes though it's not just limited to a bad day, but a bad week. A streak of annoying drama, uncalled-for encounters, mortifying moments - you name it, the works. But then again they say these are the times that toughen us up a lil', define our character and everything.

On the brightside, these are the type of weeks we look back at a few months down the road and laugh at. Not because of our stupidity, especially seeing as 89% of my life is outta my control, but because of our reactions to them. Once we find ourselves in the classic I'm-living-this-entire-week-on-the-verge-of-stepping-off-the-next-cliff-I-come-across state of mind, we have no escape. The mood is temporarily permanent and we're given no way out. To the times in our lives when we wonder why and how we're even surviving, pushin through the week and comin out alive... Cheers? With that said, we all know how brilliant some of my advice can be, due to the fact I'm just the one who speaks what everyone else is thinking. So read on, nod your head in agreement when necessary, and take notes:

#1. Keep that head held high no matter what gets in the way, what falls from the sky, what runs in front of your path. Imitate poise, and thou shalt have poise, and thus fool half the world into what kinda week you're really having.

#2. Permanently attach a cup of caffeine in your hand, be it a morning starbucks quickie or latenight energy fix to keep your not-so-sweet dreams back on track. Coming from a certified coffee addict, trust me on this one, it's guarenteed to work wonders on a temporary depressing outlook on life.

#3. Temporarily disown everyone in your life, and I'm serious about this one. People only add to, if not create, the problems/drama/bad mood. Take a break from the world, it'll understand. We gotta breathe sometime without it breathing down our necks, I mean right?

#4. Enough said? Acknowledge and adore. If this alone doesn't do the trick, at least putta smile on your face, I would suggest seeking a counseling group, for depression reasons. Possibly a shrink, seeing as people at this time in our lives can be a dangerous suggestion...

#5. Stop pretending to starve yourself and be normal. You're stressed, you're moody and you're all-around grrr. What now? Pack on those calories and indulge in everything your normal everyday "diet" says no no to. Mmm, I smell peanut butter chocolate chip butterscotch dough in the kitchen? It is now time to throw rules and the idea of the scale in your bathroom out the window for the time being, and eat up. And get to get to, because we start worrying about the damage we've done in 3.1 seconds...

#6. In follow up to #5 above, view it as motivation to drag your lovely little ass outta its comfort zone [aka off the couch surrounded with Godiva and weekold Cheesecake Factory leftovers from the decent-that-soon-turned-disaster blind date with that "eye candy" your co-worker hooked you up with without your consent] aaannd onto the treadmill! Whip out some hXc let's-drown-ourselves-in-annoying-screamo-and-Andrew-WK tunes and hit uppa gym quickie or early morning jog. Laziness only adds to the bad mood, and hey hey, we gotta strut those too-tight pair of I-only-have-these-because-I'ma-ex-rower spandex somewhere anyway, right? Exercise<3

PS, if all else fails in life, you'll still havva likedamnnnthatshot body...

#7. Make a soundtrack of your week, and oh, I'm serious. Throw together some classic and relaxing Bob Dylan, - or addictive oldschool - the Offspring, Nickelback, Tim McGraw, Nirvana, Jamie Foxx, and the best of the best, the love of my life, my man Jack Johnson. Hello automatic one hour of nonstop anti-depressants? Can't resist the affect the right music can have on us, ahh.

#8. Go out forra midnight stroll, or if that's seasonally inappropriate, settle forra latenight drive. Screw the GPS for one night and get lost. Give yourself permission to waste gas, it is cheaper than a therapist after all. Drive east drive west and end up in godknowswhere, and soak up self-time. One rule: limit this one to a sober night, there'sa good chance DUIs will only add to the stress/unlucky encounters in your life...

#9. Speaking of alcohol... psh, you know the drill. Make damn well certain you don't hafta be at work by noon or earlier the next morning, and you're covered. Spike your hot chocolate if you insist ona comfortable night by the fire at home, or better yet, go out and splurge your paycheck ona rainbow of drinks.. and a recipe book, a modern-day betty crocker for the alcohol lover's soul. Invite over half your phone's contact list and bartend the evenin away. Legally, this is NOT comin outta the mouth ova 17yrold's but you know, who are you to judge? I'm sure you're in full support of the idea.

#10. Yeah, definitely out of ideas. I would throw out the idea to go out on the town with some friends in the most daring public-inappropriate outfit available in the stores and let loose for the night, but thinking about it, coming home witha hangover from hell and 7 different guys with 891 different problems/attachment issues in tow, isn't always the solution to a bad week so... scratch that one.

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...And now you're wondering where in the world I find the time to actually think up all these solutions, and try em, testdrive em out before I okay them outside of strictly my access. I don't. But it is the upside of getting stuck with several bad weeks on my record, I'll leave it at that. I'm living proof that even the most [seemingly] happy-go-lucky people in this world get delivered with those days, and weeks, from hell. And according to many, I haven't exactly mastered the art of faking a smile yet, so I can't let it destroy my social reputation. I hafta limit my bad moods to only a few days atta time and at least attempt to finda solution, or else I'd have no friends anymore.

And there you have it, advice/suggestions from the pointless and oh so creative thoughts of Court. I am planning on publishing a book one day, if you're at all wondering. I mean, Oprah always lectures on making sure you havva resort to fall back on if your career/marriage/childhood dreams fail...