I think I might return home.

I've been digustingly homesick for quite some time now, and about 6 minutes ago I stumbled across realization: I miss my old life. The boathouse I spent 1/3 of my life at. 3hrs a day, 5 days a week. Stroke after stroke after run after run after rep after rep. Overnight regattas. The memories, the afterschool talks while balancing a steady rate. Screaming Hey There Its Delilah at 3am out on the lake when the surrounding population slept soundly, our fingers near frostbitten and minds insane, or nonexistent for that matter, and our hearts ... our hearts passionate.
The only thing that drove us practice through practice. Our drive, the passion was livin'. The erg tests foreshadowing death, oh we saw it. The times we felt like puking everything and anything we had left to our names off the side of the boat. After races, that feeling. I wonder to this day how a sport can be so intense. Sweating in 19 degree weather, now that's something to be said for. 5min into pushoff the dock, adrenaline dominating our bodies, our bodies moving faster than we thought possible. The rhythm. The seductive melody of eight bodies all singin' the same tune at once. Upinpushbackstrengthgogogooutturnupagain. I can't even explain it, but if you're a rower you know what I'm talking about. You know exactly what I'm referring to. It's irrisistable, and I'm just now finding that out. And have I failed to mention the regattas? HELLO BRENTWOOD. Beautiful/abnormally sunny Seattle. Those saturdays slaving over those damn oars. God I never fell out of love.

It's surreal. How can one even fall in love with a sport that demands so much effort? Requires so much time, so much passion, delivers so much pain? It's absurd, but it's undeniable.

I miss crew and I have about 5 days to decide if I want to return to my ex-lifestyle.
I suck at decisions, but convince me I need it. It built so much character, it taught me something in life that noONE can or ever could. It helped me find who I really am, and it pushed me far past my limits on a minute basis. And you're asking me why I wanna suffer through that much pain every single day for the next 238991 months? . . . Good question. Something just ignited in me today, and I realized that rowing is what I've been missing. Is what's at fault for my discomfort, my lonliness, my homesickness the past few months.







Ahhh, I miss you.